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As women sometimes we find it difficult to admit when we are wrong or when we have done something the requires a very deep and meaningful apology. I have always had a very difficult time admitting when I was wrong and I can actually count on one hand how many times I’ve apologized to someone in my entire life. Some of the people I’ve wronged I just didn’t care or felt they deserved it. I know that makes me a heartless bitch. Well let’s all be honest here sometimes life throws so much at a person that they become hard and well turn into a bitch simply as a defense mechanism to protect themselves. I’m here to tell you there are times you have to pull up your big girl panties and admit you are wrong and apologize. Yes even when it freaks you out to consider apologizing because it just isn’t you.
I have debating on sharing this for a few weeks now due to I honestly just hoped I would forget the whole incident and be done with it but that didn’t happen. Let’s just go ahead and air out the dirty laundry. A few weeks ago me and my boyfriend went out to eat at one of our usual pizza places. I feel I should also share that they serve alcohol and have karaoke on Friday nights. I unintentionally got VERY drunk and barely remember the events of that evening. Don’t worry I was reminded the next day what all I had done. While part of it had him laughing the other parts hurt him and I’m sure embarrassed him even though he never said he was embarrassed. I suppose drunk me decided I wanted to be wild again and messaged one of my old friends whom I use to be wild and party with. I said many things to her about being bored and wanting to go back to the wild me, all untrue because that is NOT at all how I feel, but nonetheless I said it. I at some point handed my phone over and of course the messages were all still there and so were my snap stories and who knows what else. I unintentionally hurt the person I love more than anything. I felt absolutely horrible, to the point I felt sick. I knew what I did was wrong but you can’t take back things like that and pretend they didn’t happen. He was so deeply hurt that he felt like I didn’t want to be in this relationship anymore. It broke my heart that he felt like that. I had no idea what to do to fix it and felt like I had possibly ruined the best relationship I had ever been in. I knew what I had to do, I had to pull up my big girl panties and accept responsibility for what I did apologize and pray he forgave me.
The apology and the road to repairing the damage. I apologized like a million times, but we all know actions speak louder than words. I could tell him I loved him and I was sorry a million times but that wouldn’t undo the hurt or make him believe what I was saying after what all I had done. I swallowed my pride and messaged the friend I had been chatting with the night before and told her I was sorry fro dragging her into my hectic crazy life and that I was so wrong about saying any of what I said. I also told her that I didn’t mean any of it that I was just having a momentary lapse of judgement and that my boyfriend was actually pretty amazing. She understood, thankfully. I proceeded to show him the message to show him that I was really trying to show him how sorry I was. It took a few days but the damage was repaired and we are good again. The point of this whole thing is just say you are sorry. The pride you have the defense mechanisms you have held onto for years, none of it matters when you hurt someone you really truly love. Just say you are sorry when you are wrong and then follow through with actions that prove how sorry you are. Life is too short to hold onto what hurt you in the past to the point that it causes you to hurt the ones you love.
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